Improv

So I've been watching the Del Close improv marathon. I've seen a few hours of it, and have learned important lessons about improv. Here's what improv is:

Improvisational comedy consists of scenes made up on the spot; you take an audience suggestion, adhere to certain techniques, and then proceed to produce a scene about abortion and/or rape.

The Corrupting Effects of Philosophy

So, let me first of all say: I am Doctor Bobcat.

I defended my dissertation on Friday, July 20, and I did a bang-up job, at least if you believe the press. Long story short: I am now better than you. Unless you also have a Ph.D.

Speaking of people who also have Ph.D.s, my old roommate Chris got his Ph.D. 8 days before I did. (Since he started a year earlier than I did, it took him one year and eight days fewer to get his Ph.D. than it took me to get mine.)

Not only does Chris have a Ph.D., though, he also has a master's degree in engineering (the hard kind, too -- not that civil crap). So not only is he smart and dedicated, he's also quite well-rounded.

Given how well-rounded he is, it gladdens me to know that he is just as clueless as I am when it comes to living. How do I know this? Let me tell you a story.

Right now I'm living in Ann Arbor, subletting a friend's apartment. This friend has a cat, Lennon. I had to be away from Lennon for a couple of days to visit my dad and brother. While I was away, I had Chris take care of him.

Imagine my surprise when Lennon, whom I had thought to be a boy-cat turned out to be a girl-cat. Or at least, that's what Chris told me.

"Really, Lennon's a girl-cat? Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure."

So I had to reassess my relationship with Lennon. Was I cheating on my fiancee by being with that cat? Lots of questions.

But before I answered any of them, I wanted to check Lennon myself. So when I got home, I looked at Lennon's "part". Suffice it to say, it was pretty hard to tell whether Lennon was male or female, but I thought: why did Chris think Lennon was female anyway?

So I called him.

"Hello?"
"Hey, Chris, why did you think Lennon was a girl?"
"Huh? Because she has nipples."

I paused at this.

"Chris, you have nipples."
"...I know, but I don't have that many."
"Chris, let me assure you, male cats have eight nipples."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. I have loads of experience with male cat nipples."

See, I'm not the only person who thinks something as absurd as: you can drive on your rims.

I should be dissertating right now, but ...

Here's a weird happening.

It's 3:30 AM, Canadian time (I'm blogging from Halifax, Nova Scotia; I'm up here for a conference), and I hear a knock outside my door. I don't whether it's on my door or not, so I look through the peephole.

No one there.

I open the door. To my right, I see a young, Asian woman, knocking on the door of the room next to me. When I appear outside my room, she notices me. Wanting to give an explanation of myself -- as I'm wont to do -- I say, "oh, I thought you were knocking on my door" (at 3:30 in the morning). She says, in perfect Canadian English:

"No, I ... hey, this is gonna sound weird, but do you know how to open these doors? I think this is the right key, but it won't work."

"Oh, that's easy," I say. "Just turn the lock to the left." She gives me her key and I promptly do that. The door opens.

"Thanks, she says. You're amazing."

"You're welcome."

She then opens the door and STARTS SCREAMING AT THE PERSON INSIDE. In Chinese.

By the time she started screaming, I was in my room. I start listening to iTunes, but the screaming continues, and gets really loud, and I hear all sorts of stuff being, uh, thrown around and impacting against the wall of my room. I'm pretty sure, anyway.

The screaming has died down, but I have officially checked another item off of the list of polite things I will never do for people again ("helping strangers get back onto 'their' horse", you've got a new buddy!).

What's Going On?

Here is a surprisingly cogent, and surprisingly scathing, critique of Sicko from, of all people, MTV's Kurt Loder.

To use P.J. O'Rourke's much-quoted bon mot yet another time: "if you think health care is expensive now, wait until it's free".

This Just In

Another hard-hitting piece of news from what is fast becoming my favorite paper.

More MMA

Okay, to go with the picture I sent of Fedor fighting God, here is Fedor armlocking a bear.

This picture comes up in a very funny (seriously!) discussion of the question, "who in UFC, or even in mma in general, do you guys think would have the best chance versus a hearty bear? state your reasons why and which method they win by. And no i am not kidding"

My favorite answers (admittedly, some of these are funny only if you know who these people are):

"Ya a rear naked is the only real chance a fighter might have unarmed and even then, a bear might be able to simply reach behind its shoulder and tear your face off, i don't know how flexible bears are."

"Arlovski could win.
"If he grew ALL of his hair back. I mean ALL of it, then he can fool the bear into thinking they were buddies, and when the bear is sleeping, then Arlovski could kick the crap out of him."

"bear would win by a ripped-throat knock-out in 10 seconds."

I like how ripping someone's throat out counts as a knockout.