Bullitt's Bros

Monday, January 21, 2008

Some jokes from mom

Mom called me just now--12:37--to tell me some jokes. The first joke went, "there are these two really forgetful, elderly people. The wife says to the husband, "get me some ice cream." The husband says, "okay." She says, "write it down, or you'll forget!" He says, "I don't need to write it down, just tell me!" She says, "fine. I want ice cream. With strawberry sauce! And ... whipped cream!" The man says "fine." She says, "Are you sure you don't want to write it down?" "Positive!" says the man. Then he leaves. Twenty minutes later, he comes back and ..." here mom trails off. "Damn, what happened next?" she ironically wonders. "Oh, I know! He came back with a hamburger and she said "where are the frie"...no! He came back with toast, and ... wait ... oh yes! He came back with toast and she said "where are the eggs!" No, "where is the bacon!""

She waited for me to laugh. I laughed, all right. Not for the reasons she thought.

"I have another joke!" she said. "This elderly ... oh, damn!"

It just got worse from there. I haven't the foggiest idea what that joke was about, but you can bet it was originally crafted in a group effort by Queen Victoria and Lord Clarendon.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Dadecote, #4037

It's 7:40. I'm sleeping like a baby, dreaming of explaining modal metaphysics through the medium of a children's book. There's a possible world for little girls called Ethel, and it's full of fairies, a possible world called Jom-Jom for little boys, and it's full of baseballs, a pos...

The dream ends. The lights in my room illuminate. Dad has entered.

Dad: San [i.e., son], you should, eh, call ... John, at [business name omitted].
Me: Okay.

Dad dials the number. He gives me the phone.

I wait. I get John.

I tell John about my car's problem--oh yes, I remember now, my car has a problem!--and after telling him this, he starts telling me that he can't help me, not until Monday, because there are too many other cars. However, he takes a really long time to do it, so during the phone call, Dad says, "ask him whether he can fix your car."

Seeing as how he's telling me that he cannot, I refrain from asking him.

Eventually I tell Dad the bad news. So Dad says I should call John's competitor, Ed.

I call Ed. I get an answering machine.

I tell Dad that, according to the answering machine, Ed's business doesn't open until 8.

"Ok," dad says. And then stares at me.

About ten seconds pass, without him saying a word.

Also, he is in his underwear.

Oh, God, I thought. Is he going to stare at me until 8?

No. He talks.

Dad: You do not want to go back to sleep.
Me: Really? Because I didn't fall asleep last night until 4 am, so, I kinda thought I did.
Dad (laughing): No! You want to get ready.
Me: Well, I'm entirely sure that's correct, but you're saying it with a lot of authority, so I guess I do ...

And now I just wrote this blog post.

Which reminds me: UCLA, I know you didn't give me a fly-back, and in fact didn't give me an interview, but it turns out you want to offer me a job.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

This video...

...looks like it came from The Onion News Network (however, it's mildly funny, as opposed to not funny at all, so keep that in mind). But it is, sadly and amusingly, real.

The video!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

B's true Mom Stories, Revisited

Ok, so I'm in Dayton right now. I have the following conversation with Mom:

Mom: I saw this movie, it was very disturbing, but I can't remember the name!
Me: Who was in it?
Mom: What's the name of the guy who's the son of Barbara Streisand's husband?
Me: Josh Brolin?
Mom: Yeah! Well, he wasn't in it.

Sorry for not updating the blog for so long, by the way. I finished up my dissertation, then I moved to a new place, then I applied for philosophy jobs, now I'm getting "fly-backs" to interview for some more philosophy jobs ... it can drive a fella mad.