Aikido

You know those Kung-Fu movies where an old master can send a younger upstart sprawling seemingly without moving a finger? That's Aikido, the art of using your opponents energy against them. My dad is the Aikido master of passive aggression and today he sent me flying through a plate-glass window without moving a muscle. Metaphorically.

As is usual, he woke me up early to ask about where I'd want to go for breakfast... Or more accurately, where he wants to go for breakfast while pretending I wanted to go there.

"Where do you want to go, Daddo?"
"Oh it is fine. Wherever you would like to go."

This line means the opposite of what it says.

"So where would you like to go?"
"Perhaps Burger King?"

Crap. I do not want to go to Burger King. But, this being the master of passive aggression, I don't exactly know how to get out of that.

"If we go to Burger King, though, I want to get it to go. I don't want to eat in a Burger King."
"Perhaps Bob Evans?"

Okay, this is much better. I actually like Bob Evans and it's fast and I have to go for a meeting in not too long.

"Great, let's go to Bob Evans."

So in the car, Dad makes his move... Bob Evans was just a head fake as it turns out.

"Burger King is closer than Bob Evans."

This translates into, "You are more likely to walk on the sun than eat at Bob Evans today."

Fine. Whatever. I really don't want to go to Burger King but he's set on it so I can deal with it for one day.

"Fine. But we are going to the drive through."

So at the drive through I order.

"I'll take a... number four, I guess. With coffee. Can I get anything else than coffee?"
"Orange juice or soda."
"Okay, fine. Coffee. Dad, what do you want?"
"Oh, nothing."

Wait a second...

"Nothing? Are you having trouble reading the drive through window?"
""No, I ate breakfast at home."

So there it is... Dad didn't even want to eat at Burger King but he forced me to go there anyway. Dad is the gold medalist of passive aggression. No one else is even close.