Time-Warner, put-upon little guy!

I recently received the following email from Time-Warner Cable. My comments are interspersed with theirs. See if you can tell who's who!

You’ve probably heard the news by now. In a few short days, some of your favorite shows could disappear from your TV.
What?? At Time Warner Cable, we’re not happy about this – and we know our customers aren’t happy about it either. But we want you to have the facts, and we want you to be prepared. Oh shit. Like, earthquake prepared? Like, I'm gonna need water? Even in today’s economy, some television networks are demanding massive price increases for their programming – up to 300% more than the current price we pay. And with our agreements with these networks running out at the end of December, some networks have threatened to pull the plug on their sports, entertainment – even family holiday specials – at midnight New Year’s Eve. I'd miss the post-New-Year's-Eve family holiday specials? No more Captain January? No more MLK, Jr. Power Hour?!
We know prices keep going up. We’ve had to announce a few price increases of our own and we know no one’s ever happy about that. But up to 300%? That’s going too far! I could have lived with 290. But 300%?! Those monsters! Please be assured that we will continue negotiating for a fair agreement that protects our customers’ pocketbooks. But if the TV networks follow through on their threats – we’re ready. You’ll find a helpful guide to alternative sources for programming at RollOverOrGetTough.com, so you’ll still be able to watch many popular shows even if a television network pulls the plug. Guys, Time Warner is literally begging the TV companies to keep their shows on Cable, but Time Warner can't help but to cease carrying all their signals if their begs are ignored! Don’t let them hold your TV hostage. Go to RollOverOrGetTough.com now and let us know what you think. Don't roll over, Time Warner! I know you can get tough with them! Why, you've gotten tough with me almost every time we've done business together! Together, we just might make a difference in what America pays for TV. If anyone knows a district Time Warner can be congressman of, please let me know! I want them to fight for me. And my right to pay only $104 a month for non-premium cable.