Not to be missed

First, this is too important to pass up.

In other news, have I told you that my landlady and one of my neighbors are involved in a cold war?

Allow me to elaborate.

Our landlady--well the superintendant of the building, actually--is an Irish Catholic. Very similar to my mom, except unlike my mom she hates Jews. Well, 'hates' is too strong a word; 'suspects' is better. (See, she works for some orthodox Jews who like to cut corners. So really, she's just complaining about them by implicating all Jews. And she's anti-semitic.)

Anyway, the tenant she's at war with--let's call her "L" for short--is Jewish, I'm pretty sure. So there's tension on that front. And she's crazy. I should have probably said that right up front. And she suspects all Russians of stealing her towels.

Anyway, let me tell you what I know. Most of the people who read this site know me personally, and no how amicable I can be. Plus, let's not kid ourselves, I'm a tall drink of water (and not, as some people say, "stick-legs with a fat gut"). So, these two older women have decided to make me the locus of their complaints. Here's an example.

My ceiling started to develop some water-damage. So I asked the super to do something about it. She said okay, and sent her husband to the apartment above mine. Well, L lives in the apartment above mine and she hates the super and her husband. So she was unwilling to do much, and instead used his appearance as an occasion to complain about them. Or so I was told by my superintendent, who came down to report her failure and blame L for being a "bear" (and the Jews for not paying her and her husband more). She told me to try to speak to L directly, which I was not looking forward to, but not too much longer after she left, who should knock at my door but L. She told me that the super and her husband are terrible, they don't like to do anything, and when the super's husband fixes things, he does a poor job. Instead, I should call the building's Jewish landowners directly if I ever want anything fixed. Also, while I'm talking, I should ask the landowners to do something about the Russians, because L is pretty sure they're stealing her towels.

This was the beginning of a bad precedent. After that, L decided to come to my apartment regularly to complain about the goings-on in the buildings. She blames the "single men" (read: gays) in the building for hiring the Russians who steal the towels (it's the circle of life, I say). When the heating in the building broke for half a night (admittedly, during the winter), she came to my room and told me to call the landowners to do something about the problem, because (a) the super and her husband couldn't/wouldn't do anything about it; and (b) L had (no surprise here) called the landowners far too many times for them to take her seriously anymore. So I had to expend my credibility to do this.

That's one example. The latest one has to do with my cooking. Apparently L has been complaining to the super about my cooking garlic. The delicious smell is permeating her apartment, I guess. The super came to tell me about this charge, and then exhorted me to "cook more garlic", talked to me about other things for about 15 minutes, and then left. Then, last night, she yelled into my window, "I hope you're cooking more garlic!" to which I replied, "I'm not getting involved!" (no, I didn't; I just informed her I wasn't cooking more garlic).

Now, I know how one's of the Hulk's greatest supervillains, "The Confider"* felt. This kind of pressure would drive me to crime too.

*--Note: The Confider?: not a real supervillain. Moreover, he would probably become the friend of someone who had a secret identity--that way that superhero could confide in The Confider, only to his detriment later.

MMA, again

So, I just saw UFC 70 last night. Cro Cop was, as everyone else (who watches UFC) knows, utterly dominated until the last few seconds, and then knocked out with a high kick. He really looked stiff, nervous, outmatched.

Frankly, all these upsets--Diaz over Gomi, Couture over Sylvia, Serra over GSP, and now Gonzaga over Cro Cop--are making me lose interest in MMA.

Which is weird, right? I mean, you'd think, with all the upsets in MMA, that I'd find it exciting. What could be more exciting than never knowing what's going to happen?

But it turns out, that's not how it works, psychologically. The problem is, if every fight can go either way, you're no longer surprised. Upsets become so expected that there can't be upsets anymore. Worse than that, no one can get any momentum--as soon as a fighter looks dominating, he loses. Consequently, you can't really get behind any fighter, and so you lose your investment in the sport.

There's another problem: I want to see the best fighters in the world fight each other (or I did, until tonight). The reason I want to see this is that I don't know who will win. But the best fighters don't just fight each other immediately, they have to have a tune-up fight. So they send GSP against a pretty good fighter as a tune-up for Hughes II. GSP loses, and we don't get to see GSP-Hughes II. Maybe we never will. Similarly, I'd like to see Cro Cop-Couture. But Couture loses, and now I won't see it (who among us is really excited for Gonzaga-Couture? I guess I'm a little excited, but only because I want to see Gonzaga lose. But of course, I have no idea who will win or lose that fight). Which is sucky.

I don't know why all these upsets are happening, but I think it's seriously bad news for MMA. What do my readers (who know anything about MMA) think? Is Fedor the only dominant fighter left?

Clarification

Okay, I realize there was some confusion over both my Kant post and my post on mixed martial arts. In light of this, I have decided to post a link to this, which should clear everything up.

Note: it's actually safe for work!

Mixed-Up Martial Arts

First, I have a question: does "martial" derive from Mars, Roman god of war? If so, does that mean we could also say "martian" arts? Or does "martian" only describe, y'know, little green men?

Anyway, Mark Steyn once wrote, before the 2004 election, that 'if John Kerry wins, I don't know this country', or something to that effect. Well, he ended up knowing the country, at least that year. Well, I can confidently say, I know nothing about mixed martial arts. Here's why.

First, Nick Diaz beats Gomi. That wasn't supposed to happen (apparently Pride thought so, too, as they later ruled it a "no contest"). Granted, he doesn't exactly do it in convincing fashion, but it was close (and great!), and that wasn't supposed to happen.

Next, Little Nog gets beaten by Sokoudjou, a 23-year old with, like, four fights. In twenty-three seconds. By knockout. Arguably, this can be dismissed as just luck.

Then Tim Sylvia, the 6'8" 30 year-old heavyweight champion of the UFC loses to Randy Couture, the 43 year-old former heavyweight champion. Granted, in his prime it would have been no contest: Randy would have whupped him, and convincingly. But 43 is old for fighting. Especially when you've taken a year off beforehand and when you've got a somewhat suspect chin (well, I suppose against Chuck Liddell everyone has a suspect chin). But of course, Randy beats him, soundly. No luck this time, he beat him in each of the five rounds they fought.

Finally, we come to the latest upset: Matt Serra beats Georges St. Pierre in a little over three minutes. Here's the thing: GSP was fresh off his win over Matt Hughes, who is just like Serra, except better in every way. Stronger, faster, taller, better ground game, and better stand-up. And Hughes got pnwed by GSP. GSP has great striking and great take-down defense--the perfect combination against Hughes, and more than perfect against someone like Serra. And, of course, Serra beats GSP, and he beats him in striking.

So, the next upset will come this Saturday. Matt Lindland, a 37 year-old, 6'0" 185-lb., four-times defeated fighter, is going to fight Fedor Emelianenko, the 30 year-old, 6'0", 233 lb. heavyweight champion of Pride Fighting. Fedor is indisputably the best mixed martial artist in history. So of course, Lindland is going to beat him in, oh, I don't know, 4 minutes. And he'll beat him by knocking him out with a jab.

After that: I'm knocking out Cro Cop. And then: Fred Ettish loses to ... oh, I don't know. Let's say Yates.

Random Thought

So this Sanjaya kid from American Idol is winning even though he sucks... is it really a surprise that a kid from a country that controls all our call-in centers is winning a call-in show?

I'm just saying...