The Corrupting Effects of Philosophy
So, let me first of all say: I am Doctor Bobcat.
I defended my dissertation on Friday, July 20, and I did a bang-up job, at least if you believe the press. Long story short: I am now better than you. Unless you also have a Ph.D.
Speaking of people who also have Ph.D.s, my old roommate Chris got his Ph.D. 8 days before I did. (Since he started a year earlier than I did, it took him one year and eight days fewer to get his Ph.D. than it took me to get mine.)
Not only does Chris have a Ph.D., though, he also has a master's degree in engineering (the hard kind, too -- not that civil crap). So not only is he smart and dedicated, he's also quite well-rounded.
Given how well-rounded he is, it gladdens me to know that he is just as clueless as I am when it comes to living. How do I know this? Let me tell you a story.
Right now I'm living in Ann Arbor, subletting a friend's apartment. This friend has a cat, Lennon. I had to be away from Lennon for a couple of days to visit my dad and brother. While I was away, I had Chris take care of him.
Imagine my surprise when Lennon, whom I had thought to be a boy-cat turned out to be a girl-cat. Or at least, that's what Chris told me.
"Really, Lennon's a girl-cat? Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure."
So I had to reassess my relationship with Lennon. Was I cheating on my fiancee by being with that cat? Lots of questions.
But before I answered any of them, I wanted to check Lennon myself. So when I got home, I looked at Lennon's "part". Suffice it to say, it was pretty hard to tell whether Lennon was male or female, but I thought: why did Chris think Lennon was female anyway?
So I called him.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Chris, why did you think Lennon was a girl?"
"Huh? Because she has nipples."
I paused at this.
"Chris, you have nipples."
"...I know, but I don't have that many."
"Chris, let me assure you, male cats have eight nipples."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. I have loads of experience with male cat nipples."
See, I'm not the only person who thinks something as absurd as: you can drive on your rims.
I defended my dissertation on Friday, July 20, and I did a bang-up job, at least if you believe the press. Long story short: I am now better than you. Unless you also have a Ph.D.
Speaking of people who also have Ph.D.s, my old roommate Chris got his Ph.D. 8 days before I did. (Since he started a year earlier than I did, it took him one year and eight days fewer to get his Ph.D. than it took me to get mine.)
Not only does Chris have a Ph.D., though, he also has a master's degree in engineering (the hard kind, too -- not that civil crap). So not only is he smart and dedicated, he's also quite well-rounded.
Given how well-rounded he is, it gladdens me to know that he is just as clueless as I am when it comes to living. How do I know this? Let me tell you a story.
Right now I'm living in Ann Arbor, subletting a friend's apartment. This friend has a cat, Lennon. I had to be away from Lennon for a couple of days to visit my dad and brother. While I was away, I had Chris take care of him.
Imagine my surprise when Lennon, whom I had thought to be a boy-cat turned out to be a girl-cat. Or at least, that's what Chris told me.
"Really, Lennon's a girl-cat? Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure."
So I had to reassess my relationship with Lennon. Was I cheating on my fiancee by being with that cat? Lots of questions.
But before I answered any of them, I wanted to check Lennon myself. So when I got home, I looked at Lennon's "part". Suffice it to say, it was pretty hard to tell whether Lennon was male or female, but I thought: why did Chris think Lennon was female anyway?
So I called him.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Chris, why did you think Lennon was a girl?"
"Huh? Because she has nipples."
I paused at this.
"Chris, you have nipples."
"...I know, but I don't have that many."
"Chris, let me assure you, male cats have eight nipples."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. I have loads of experience with male cat nipples."
See, I'm not the only person who thinks something as absurd as: you can drive on your rims.
posted by Bobcat at
11:24 PM
6 Comments:
"I have loads of experience with male cat nipples."
I assume this will be the title of your next publication? Phil Review?
I am willing to grant that you are, in fact, better than I, even though we both have PhDs. B.F.D.
We seem to have a problem with telephones, however.
Congrats, encore.
By
kmosser, at 10:26 AM
Congratulations, Bobcat! Time to get loaded!
It took me 5.5 painful years to get my PhD. So that means that your dissertation must be 2.5 years better than mine.
Where will you be in September? There's a good chance that I'll be in AA for 1-2 days.
Welcome to the club of useless PhDs, mon ami.
By
Akrasia, at 12:09 PM
Bravo Bobbert, Bravo.
As the one who encourages you to rub your PhD, Fulbright and other academic accomplishments in other people's ignorant mugs, I say well done sir.
If I were still as bad-ass as I am in real life AND had a PhD, I think I'd get a cape and a crown or something.
Can you get some sort of PhD ring and make people kiss it?
Kiss the Brain ring or some such?
By
Mikey Y, at 12:47 PM
Bah, big deal. So the world's given birth to one more egghead who doesn't know how to boil water. It don't add up to a hill o' beans to me, perfesser.
Where's the blog about Jon Lovitz beating the shit out of Andy Dick? Don't you read the news?
By
Pat Palermo, at 7:01 PM
LMAO!!!! CONGRATZ DR SNERT!!!!
No kidsy stuff now or I heard they can take it away ;-)
By
Puttin, at 9:47 PM
He started a year later than you did.
Of course, it took me a month to notice that error, but that is because I never started a PhD.
By
Anonymous, at 6:49 PM
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