McSorkin's

Okay, so I've decided to post one of the sketches I wrote for my level 1 sketch writing class at the UCB (Upright Citizens Brigade) Theatre in New York. Here it is (note: "stage directions" are in red print):

MCSORKIN’S
By Bobcat

INT. MCSORKIN’S - DAY

McSorkin’s is a fast food restaurant, situated near a highway exit. Inside there are three workers, LACY, a gorgeous blonde cashier, MS. SHELLY, an older, stern-looking manager, and DAVE, a short, Jewish cook. Some customers sit inside the restaurant silently chomping away, while LACY and DAVE, now with a few moments to themselves, chat with each other.

LACY
Only thirty minutes to lunch hour.
DAVE
Only thirty minutes to lunch hour.
LACY
(beat)
Sometimes the grind of this place pushes me to the brink of sanity, where I wonder whether it makes sense for me to continue serving the customers at the breakneck pace we’re supposed to guarantee, a guarantee that’s supposed to be reciprocated by our customers with at least a “thank you”, “good job”, or even a “looks tasty.” A “looks tasty”, Dave, I’m down to a “looks tasty”, and I’m not getting it!
DAVE
Let’s walk.

DAVE and LACY leave from behind the counter and walk through their restaurant. As they walk, the camera follows them and gradually pans around them until we’re viewing them from the front as they walk out past the kitchen and out of the restaurant to the dumpster.

DAVE
They’ve got too much on their minds; they’re finding they have less money to buy the same things, their children are dying in Iraq, and they long for an America that used to exist but that doesn’t exist anywhere except in their minds.
LACY
I wish we could do something about whatever is responsible for it.

EXT. MCSORKIN’S - DAY

DAVE
We can. Because we’re the ones who’ve done it.
LACY
We’re the ones who’ve done it?
DAVE
We’re the ones who’ve done it. We’ve gotten the American public used to a stripped down, unimaginative burger processed from animals we torture and for no bang for our buck. The flavor is worse, the prices are higher, the customers’ spirits are lower, and they should be, because we’ve taken away the one island of stability they used to have in their lives.
LACY
Then we need to do what we can to bring back their spirit; we need to put the love back in the food.
DAVE
Then we need an idea; we need something new, but that also brings back the spirit of America.
LACY
Spirit of America is the spirit of ’76.
DAVE
Spirit of ’76 is Philadelphia.
LACY
Philadelphia is the home of the cheesesteak.
DAVE
The Cheesesteak burger!
LACY
The Cheesesteak burger.

INT. MCSORKIN’S – DAY

MS. SHELLY
Look, I’d love to market your burger, but it’s not as easy as you think it is. There’s first of all the problem that national products aren’t introduced by the whimsical decision of local assistant managers of franchises in Iowa.
DAVE
That’s a dodge, and you know it.
MS. SHELLY
Look, I’m not here to argue about the fundamentals of business organization or the decision-making procedures that lead to national changes. What I am telling you is that we’re a team, and I’m supposed to make decisions on a team-basis.
LACY
Your team is telling you that a change is needed.
MS. SHELLY
My team extends beyond us. It even extends beyond the borders of this store. My team is the American public, and the American public hasn’t demanded the Cheesesteak burger.
DAVE
America hasn’t demanded the Cheesesteak burger because they don’t know anymore what’s possible for them. They’re so demoralized by having things shoved down their throats and their decisions made for them that they don’t even know they’re part of the McSorkin’s team.

MS. SHELLY turns from DAVE and LACY and starts walking away.

LACY
You can’t avoid responsibility by walking away!

MS. SHELLY stops. Dramatically, she turns to face DAVE and LACY.

MS. SHELLY
I’m not walking away because I want to avoid responsibility. I’m walking away because you’re right. (beat) Let’s make this Cheesesteak burger.

EXT. MCSORKIN’S - DAY

We see a line of people stretched out until it goes off the screen.

INT. MCSORKIN’S – DAY
LACY stands at the cash register. A CUSTOMER shuffles up to the register and proudly says,

CUSTOMER
One Cheesesteak burger, please!
LACY
(Beaming) Just one?
CUSTOMER
You know what? I’ll have two; for America.
(Beat) Thanks for bringing the spirit back to my lunch hour.

LACY
(Seriously) No. (Beat) Thank you for never losing faith.

The episode ends, and we cut to scenes from next week.

NARRATOR
Next week, on McSorkin’s: Ms. Shelly finds that her decision makes her life difficult…

INT. MCSORKIN’S CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT
CHOATE HELMS, the evil, balding, besuited corporate overload of McSorkin’s, irately talks on the phone with MS. SHELLY while the camera tracks him pacing around his office:

CHOATE
You don’t have the authority to make the Cheesesteak burger!
MS. SHELLY
My authority does not depend on you, or Ray Croc, or even the president! My authority comes to me from my public, and if you don’t want me to do my job you can just fire me!

NARRATOR continues:

NARRATOR
… and Dave and Lacy’s romance heats up.

INT. MCSORKIN’S – NIGHT

DAVE
… I have feelings for you, too, LACY … but I can’t forgive you for over-salting the fries. (Beat) I want to; but I can’t!

BLACKOUT.